Last week the company I work for announced a major reorganization that will result in plant closures, job cuts and a lot of uncertainty for thousands of people.
At this stage my own job looks ok - although I'm not naive enough to think that I will remain unaffected. As I listened to our CEO address analysts, and then other senior leaders of my organization meet with our department, and gradually smaller and smaller groups, I understood that there had clearly been much work going on in parallel before this announcement was made. Sure there were rumors - and in the absence of the truth people fill the void with all kinds of rumors - but there was a whole team of people working away, constructing a new future, and we got occasional glimpses of it, but didn't fully comprehend what was happening until last Monday.
As I was driving in to work today I was thinking about that, and realized that that's a lot like what I think has been happening with my life. I had glimpses of an alternative way of living as a Christian - I read something on the Internet, or listened to a podcast - but all along there was a parallel way of being that I didn't fully comprehend until recently (and even now, saying I fully comprehend it is crazy...).
I know that at work things will never be the same - this is true for my own spiritual journey too.
I know that there will be much uncertainty and angst at work as people try and assimilate the messages and work though the question of "what does this mean for me, in my situation." This is also true for my spiritual life.
Although this current time is painful at work, I believe that it was the right decision for the company, and will result in a healthier future. I see this mirrored in my life as a Christian too.
There's a line from a Kevin Prosche song that says "the natural things, speak of the invisbible..." and the truth of that line struck me again as I drove in to work.
Peace.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Fundamentally flawed...?
Dan (the pastor in Brian McLaren's book, A New Kind of Christian), is having coffee with his friend Neo, and he's talking about where he is. He says to Neo:
"Well, I feel like a fundamentalist who's losing his grip - whose fundamentals are cracking and fraying and falling apart and slipping through my fingers. It's like I thought I was building my house on rock, but it turned out to be ice, and now global warming has hit, and the ice is melting and everything is crumbling."
I found myself able to identify pretty strongly with that. The churches I've been part of would be termed fundamentalist - although the term is a label that might not have sat easily with us.
Fundamentalist - so sure of what I believed - everything seemed very certain. I think that my Christian Spirituality to this point was based around being able to put everything into neat little boxes and come up with biblical answers to everything. There was a formulae for everything (ok - that seems a bit harsh, and I know that that wasn't the intent, so I'm just as culpable in this, but looking back, that's how it was).
When I was confronted with big issues - war, sickness, sexuality, there was a standard answer - I didn't really have to think too hard, just talk to someone, or read a book, or listen to a tape, and I would get the easy to understand, biblically backed-up, nicely wrapped answer.
There was never really a need to think things through too deeply myself - and that suited me fine. I let others do the thinking, and then took what I was told pretty much at face value.
But I've started realizing over these last few years that life is too complex - people are too complex, get get it all down to pat answers and compartmentalized Christianity. There is so much I don't understand - so much that I used to be so sure of that now I question.
Some things are certain - I'm certain there's a God, I'm certain that I want to follow Jesus, I'm certain I don't want to repeat the mistakes I've made in my faith and my involvement in mainstream church again, I'm certain I married my soul mate, I'm certain I have so much to learn, I'm certain that my spirit gets stirred when I worship (but also when I listen to great music - not just Christian music, but some great harmonies in a James Taylor song, or a piano riff in a Deacon Blue song).
Life was so much simpler when I just accepted what I was taught, or what I read. I think it's part of modernity that we want to have neat answers for everything in our lives. But my post-modern spirit doesn't want to just accept the old answers any more. It's time to do more myself - time to do more talking - time to do more blogging.
When we had a fire in our house in the US and had to have most it re-built, it was really interesting, that it smelled of smoke even when they had ripped out all the walls and ceilings - but the framework still smelled of smoke. But when the new framework was put in - much of it new timber, the whole smell of the house changed. The smell of smoke was replaced with the smell of timber. Some of the old frame stayed, but a lot was renewed - some in the same shape but with new timbers, and in other places the shape was changed too.
So may be that's where I am - in the process of being re-framed? If so, then I want to smell the fresh timber. Oh, and I hope it doesn't take as long as it took our builders!
Peace.
"Well, I feel like a fundamentalist who's losing his grip - whose fundamentals are cracking and fraying and falling apart and slipping through my fingers. It's like I thought I was building my house on rock, but it turned out to be ice, and now global warming has hit, and the ice is melting and everything is crumbling."
I found myself able to identify pretty strongly with that. The churches I've been part of would be termed fundamentalist - although the term is a label that might not have sat easily with us.
Fundamentalist - so sure of what I believed - everything seemed very certain. I think that my Christian Spirituality to this point was based around being able to put everything into neat little boxes and come up with biblical answers to everything. There was a formulae for everything (ok - that seems a bit harsh, and I know that that wasn't the intent, so I'm just as culpable in this, but looking back, that's how it was).
When I was confronted with big issues - war, sickness, sexuality, there was a standard answer - I didn't really have to think too hard, just talk to someone, or read a book, or listen to a tape, and I would get the easy to understand, biblically backed-up, nicely wrapped answer.
There was never really a need to think things through too deeply myself - and that suited me fine. I let others do the thinking, and then took what I was told pretty much at face value.
But I've started realizing over these last few years that life is too complex - people are too complex, get get it all down to pat answers and compartmentalized Christianity. There is so much I don't understand - so much that I used to be so sure of that now I question.
Some things are certain - I'm certain there's a God, I'm certain that I want to follow Jesus, I'm certain I don't want to repeat the mistakes I've made in my faith and my involvement in mainstream church again, I'm certain I married my soul mate, I'm certain I have so much to learn, I'm certain that my spirit gets stirred when I worship (but also when I listen to great music - not just Christian music, but some great harmonies in a James Taylor song, or a piano riff in a Deacon Blue song).
Life was so much simpler when I just accepted what I was taught, or what I read. I think it's part of modernity that we want to have neat answers for everything in our lives. But my post-modern spirit doesn't want to just accept the old answers any more. It's time to do more myself - time to do more talking - time to do more blogging.
When we had a fire in our house in the US and had to have most it re-built, it was really interesting, that it smelled of smoke even when they had ripped out all the walls and ceilings - but the framework still smelled of smoke. But when the new framework was put in - much of it new timber, the whole smell of the house changed. The smell of smoke was replaced with the smell of timber. Some of the old frame stayed, but a lot was renewed - some in the same shape but with new timbers, and in other places the shape was changed too.
So may be that's where I am - in the process of being re-framed? If so, then I want to smell the fresh timber. Oh, and I hope it doesn't take as long as it took our builders!
Peace.
Prologue
Being part of the conversation - I guess that's what this Blog is about. It's a way of processing my thoughts and feelings and hopefully entering into some dialogue with other people that are perhaps where I am, or have been, and have moved on.
I've just started reading A New Kind of Christian, by Brian McLaren, and my thinking at the moment is that I'll write an entry for each chapter I read, as a way of thinking through the ideas that McLaren outlines.
Will it work, who knows? I hope so. I've tried journaling before, not very successfully, but I hope that this is helpful for me - and if it's helpful for you too, then that will be a bonus!
So, here's to the start of the journey...
Peace.
I've just started reading A New Kind of Christian, by Brian McLaren, and my thinking at the moment is that I'll write an entry for each chapter I read, as a way of thinking through the ideas that McLaren outlines.
McLaren's subtitle for the book is "A Tale of Two Friends on a Spiritual Journey". The narrative is in the form of a conversation between Dan, a pastor, and Neo, his daughter's high school science teacher.
Will it work, who knows? I hope so. I've tried journaling before, not very successfully, but I hope that this is helpful for me - and if it's helpful for you too, then that will be a bonus!
So, here's to the start of the journey...
Peace.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Recipe for a curious heart...
Step 1: Take one human being
Step 2: Have them grow up attending Church of England church in a stable, middle-class home in the UK
Step 3: Add a few high school friends who said they were "Christians" but acted very differently from me
Step 4: Stir in a growing desire to follow Jesus radically (NB - a 13 year-old's idea of "radical" may be different to yours)
Step 5: Transfer to 150 year old Baptist congregation with great leaders, a great youth group, where long-lasting friendships are established. Add a good dose of the Holy Spirit
Step 6: Remove from baptist church after 4 years and transfer to central London
Step 7: Join house church - all late teens, early 20's
Step 8: Meet and marry the most beautiful woman in the world when we are both 20
Step 9: Get into leading worship and home groups
Step 10: Move to Kent, have 2 children, continue to do the church thing - realizing that it's possible to do church, without really engaging with God or other people
Step 11: Church group we were a part of implodes - realize that there was sexual immorality happening in some of the national leaders who I knew and respected. Local church congregation continues
Step 12: Become part of the church leadership team - serve for 5+ years, but realize that there is an element of control within the church. As a team we must bear part of the responsibility for this, and eventually we confront the pastor - the man who was my spiritual mentor and closest friend. Over the next few months we decide that we are unable to continue being part of the church - there is too much hurt and confusion inside
Step 13: Leave church - disillusioned that what should have been so good, could actually turn out to hurt so much
Step 14: Attend other churches, still having a desire to follow God, but attending mostly on my own
Step 15: Relocate to Eastern US with my company - a new opportunity to start again
Step 16: Join small house church - stay for a year, but begin to realize that it's just the same - male dominated, middle-class, controlling (that sounds too bleak - I loved the people, which made it hard to leave)
Step 17: Continue to want to follow God, but realize that I don't find an easy fit into mainstream churches - I have questions and doubts that I try to express, but am seen as having "lost my faith..." It's not lost - it's just trying to figure out where everything around me fits in, and how to communicate my love for God and his mission to people who have a very different perspective on life and spirituality
Step 18: Hear about Brian McLaren from somewhere...read A Generous Orthodoxy. Realize that this guy puts into words so much of what I've thought and been feeling! There's hope :-)
Step 19: Start reading A New Kind of Christian
Step 20: Start this blog as a way of thinking through where I am in my faith, my life, and how I can become more engaged in the emergent conversation...
Peace.
Step 2: Have them grow up attending Church of England church in a stable, middle-class home in the UK
Step 3: Add a few high school friends who said they were "Christians" but acted very differently from me
Step 4: Stir in a growing desire to follow Jesus radically (NB - a 13 year-old's idea of "radical" may be different to yours)
Step 5: Transfer to 150 year old Baptist congregation with great leaders, a great youth group, where long-lasting friendships are established. Add a good dose of the Holy Spirit
Step 6: Remove from baptist church after 4 years and transfer to central London
Step 7: Join house church - all late teens, early 20's
Step 8: Meet and marry the most beautiful woman in the world when we are both 20
Step 9: Get into leading worship and home groups
Step 10: Move to Kent, have 2 children, continue to do the church thing - realizing that it's possible to do church, without really engaging with God or other people
Step 11: Church group we were a part of implodes - realize that there was sexual immorality happening in some of the national leaders who I knew and respected. Local church congregation continues
Step 12: Become part of the church leadership team - serve for 5+ years, but realize that there is an element of control within the church. As a team we must bear part of the responsibility for this, and eventually we confront the pastor - the man who was my spiritual mentor and closest friend. Over the next few months we decide that we are unable to continue being part of the church - there is too much hurt and confusion inside
Step 13: Leave church - disillusioned that what should have been so good, could actually turn out to hurt so much
Step 14: Attend other churches, still having a desire to follow God, but attending mostly on my own
Step 15: Relocate to Eastern US with my company - a new opportunity to start again
Step 16: Join small house church - stay for a year, but begin to realize that it's just the same - male dominated, middle-class, controlling (that sounds too bleak - I loved the people, which made it hard to leave)
Step 17: Continue to want to follow God, but realize that I don't find an easy fit into mainstream churches - I have questions and doubts that I try to express, but am seen as having "lost my faith..." It's not lost - it's just trying to figure out where everything around me fits in, and how to communicate my love for God and his mission to people who have a very different perspective on life and spirituality
Step 18: Hear about Brian McLaren from somewhere...read A Generous Orthodoxy. Realize that this guy puts into words so much of what I've thought and been feeling! There's hope :-)
Step 19: Start reading A New Kind of Christian
Step 20: Start this blog as a way of thinking through where I am in my faith, my life, and how I can become more engaged in the emergent conversation...
Peace.
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